Here, judge the bride….Snarking in the Wedding Community

Here, Judge the Bride….

Women are always pressured to fit into someone’s box…

…but what if you don’t fit into the boxes 
that are handed to you?

As a bride, I am somewhere between traditional and offbeat. I read articles or threads on various Facebook pages and websites and sometimes I stare at my screen, downright offended by our culture’s propensity to judge a bride’s choices for one of the most important days of her life. I have found this to be true on both traditional message boards and offbeat sites. The popularity of “snarking” is rattling me to the core.

What is a snark? Snark is mix of “snide” and “remark”=a snide remark that is said only to be mean spirited and has no base in actual fact. Snarking is damaging because it seems to be totally acceptable to talk about people as if they are just images or robots that have no feelings. It’s okay to snark. And if you like to snark, you will find yourself in great company on the internet. As a humanist, I have realized that it’s not okay to judge people in this way. I used to snark people all the time, until I met people that educated me about why we snark (to project our insecurities on others) and how damaging it is to other women and ourselves. They pulled my card and I had to change my ways. 

It seems to be a socially acceptable norm to haphazardly throw around words like “tacky“, “ugly“, “fat“, “skinny“, “anorexic“, “tasteless“, etc when commenting on all things wedding. Judging brides seems to be an extension of the judgment that women face on a global scale. Judging a bride, though, seems heartless on every level because in essence it is attacking the expression of someone’s way of being…and how they choose to celebrate what I consider to be a great victory in life: To meet someone, fall in love, make a life-long commitment, and to celebrate that commitment in the presence of those who will support that union. It is an attack on womanhood as a whole. Telling a woman her wedding is ugly is like telling her that her baby is ugly. Now don’t get me wrong…I’ve seen what I consider to be ugly wedding choices, and I’ve seen a few ugly babies too…but to tell someone that their choices are wrong or that their children are ugly is just as tasteless and tactless as the wedding choices they are attacking. I wish someone had told me that as a bride, I would spend many nights confused, upset, and questioning myself and my decisions because everyone and their mom wants to judge my choices for my day. 

The 5 Snarks that need to be exposed…

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