that are handed to you?
What is a snark? Snark is mix of “snide” and “remark”=a snide remark that is said only to be mean spirited and has no base in actual fact. Snarking is damaging because it seems to be totally acceptable to talk about people as if they are just images or robots that have no feelings. It’s okay to snark. And if you like to snark, you will find yourself in great company on the internet. As a humanist, I have realized that it’s not okay to judge people in this way. I used to snark people all the time, until I met people that educated me about why we snark (to project our insecurities on others) and how damaging it is to other women and ourselves. They pulled my card and I had to change my ways.
It seems to be a socially acceptable norm to haphazardly throw around words like “tacky“, “ugly“, “fat“, “skinny“, “anorexic“, “tasteless“, etc when commenting on all things wedding. Judging brides seems to be an extension of the judgment that women face on a global scale. Judging a bride, though, seems heartless on every level because in essence it is attacking the expression of someone’s way of being…and how they choose to celebrate what I consider to be a great victory in life: To meet someone, fall in love, make a life-long commitment, and to celebrate that commitment in the presence of those who will support that union. It is an attack on womanhood as a whole. Telling a woman her wedding is ugly is like telling her that her baby is ugly. Now don’t get me wrong…I’ve seen what I consider to be ugly wedding choices, and I’ve seen a few ugly babies too…but to tell someone that their choices are wrong or that their children are ugly is just as tasteless and tactless as the wedding choices they are attacking. I wish someone had told me that as a bride, I would spend many nights confused, upset, and questioning myself and my decisions because everyone and their mom wants to judge my choices for my day.
1. Snarking a bride’s taste or competency in making decisions for herself. I’ve spent more than a few moments of my life since I’ve gotten engaged second guessing myself. At first, I was easily influenced by what people thought. Now I’ve realized that I am a competent woman who is creative, intelligent, and pretty organized. I don’t need to rationalize every decision I make when it comes to decisions about the wedding I am throwing and paying for to someone else.
Why is this sore subject so fresh on my mind?? Well, mainly because some reality star (I use the term “star” loosely, mind you…) got married and everyone began attacking her because of what some consider to be poor taste in wedding attire and dinner selection. “Momma June” Shannon (Mother of child-pageant participant Alana, aka Honey Boo Boo) and Mike “Sugar Bear” Thompson got married. Now mind you, I have never once watched their show and I don’t care to. I did read about their wedding though. Their spread sounded pretty good for a Southern Down-home BBQ wedding. They had a whole roasted pig that was made into pulled pork sandwiches and ribs. They had corn on the cob, mac and cheese, baked beans and sweet tea. Hey…we wouldn’t serve this, but I don’t know many Southerners or fan of comfort food that would turn this down.
For all these people thinking that her dress is ugly and tacky, remember beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder. Don’t think your toilet smells like roses. I am sure some of your guests might have whispers behind your back about how tacky your bridesmaids’ dresses are. Your grandma might think your makeup is too dark and looks slutty. Everyone gets to have their day the way they want it…tacky or not. And that includes your tacky wedding too…
#2 Body Snarking
This post was on HuffPost Wedding’s Facebook page:
The question was: Do you think this Reem Acra gown is too sexy for a bride?
Then the nasty, hideous (and predictable) comments followed:
“Yes and she is way too thin”
“Way too [sexy]. And she looks like an anorexic skeleton with chapped elbows!”
Yeah, evil bitches. Way to keep it classy. If you were one of these women making these comments–shame on you. I clicked through to the woman’s page who called the model an anorexic skeleton, and she had posted that she was working with a trainer, trying to get in shape after having 2 kids. It seemed to be, on her part, a bit of projection. She is not satisfied with her own body, so she attacks an innocent person whom she does not even know. It’s funny…I was on another site where this SAME WOMAN made nasty comments about another woman’s body. She just goes around trolling and snarking. How sad. You cannot judge someone’s health by one photo. This model is thin. But she is also a person. This person is not just a body, but a human being who has value and worth; no matter what her body looks like. You can judge the dress…sure. To each his own. But you really shouldn’t snark bodies. It shows a level of insecurity and ugliness that is unbecoming to anyone who chooses to do that. Clean up your own house. Hope that trainer is working for that trolly-snarker.
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& Timing of Marriage
Here’s the timeline of my relationship:
- Almost 4 years ago we met through work.
- We were friends for about 1 1/2 to 2 years before we started dating.
- We were Facebook friends for that time as well.
- We realized we liked each other in 2011.
- We talked on the phone for almost 2 months before going on our first date.
- We went on our first date on July 8th, 2011.
- We became a couple 2 or 3 weeks after.
- We first talked about marriage within our first month of being together.
- I gave him a key to my apartment after month one of dating.
- We moved in with each other after 2 months of dating.
- We spoke about engagement after 3 months of being together.
- We told a few people about our plans to get married after month 6.
- We officially announced our engagement after he met my parents for the first time after 1 year of being together.
- He officially proposed on March 21st, 2013 (my birthday).
- We booked our venue and our parents met for the first time in April of 2013.
- We have been together for 2 years now.
- We will be wed in the 3rd year of our relationship.
- We will have been engaged for 2 1/2 years by the time we get married.
So why did we choose to get married within 3 years? Well, that’s very simple. I’m 32, he’s 38. We are two very grown people who are ready to settle down together. We know what we want. And with me being 32, I have to face the fact that my optimal child-bearing years are coming to an end. After 35, it’s harder to get pregnant. We want the option of trying for a child and we want to be married before bringing a child into the world. It’s important for us to be married because we want to express to the world our higher commitment. We aren’t just boyfriend and girlfriend. We aren’t just shacking up. We aren’t just here until something better comes along. We are a family. And I want legal documentation that says we are one. Period. We’re both old enough to know what we want and the gravity of the commitment we have made. Marriage just makes it legal.
#4 Budget Snarking
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Back to Snark List